I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
