so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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