you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So much rum. So many feels.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
