I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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