so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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