I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no, he came in my armpit
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
