Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
its liver damage thursday
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
