We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
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I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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