Whoa Z and x make the same sound
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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