last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
