Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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