I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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