So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
