so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
