carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
