Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How does one acquire holy water?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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