i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
