I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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