My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize