Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
