We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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