when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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