fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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