It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
