it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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