He had one of those small greek statue penises
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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