from now on my penis is your penis
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
