i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
