its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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