one two three fourrrrnication!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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