I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
