it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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