all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
