I just gift wrapped bread.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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