dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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