____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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