i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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