I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
