We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
