why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
