I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
