My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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