Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
