dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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