i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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