never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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