so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
