I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
