New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
