call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
