saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
