How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
