I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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