I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just found puke in my bra..
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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