I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
