She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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