Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
