How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize