Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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