CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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