so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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