I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
