do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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