I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
