just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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