i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
