I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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