tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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