I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
