He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
