I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
