I am puke
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
