Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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