I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
