I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
