Your face is a jimmy john
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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