phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
