My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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