his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
