His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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